lack self-confidence

Lack Self-confidence? Be Aware of these 7 Important Reasons

“I used to have a friend in college. She was beautiful, intelligent, creative, rich yet humble. She was the favorite of all teachers.  All the girls wanted to be like her; all the boys wanted to be with her.” Have you ever wished you could be cool, calm and composed like your classmate or colleague? Have you ever wondered what makes some people ooze with self-confidence and control? Why would some of the highly talented people lack self-confidence?

Self-confidence is our faith in ourselves and our abilities.

It is the belief that we can do whatever we set our mind to do.

Why is self-confidence so essential for a happy and fruitful life?

Self-confidence allows us to take risks without the fear of what others may think. Confident people meet their goals efficiently. They stand up for themselves at times of adversity.

Now, let’s explore why you lack self-confidence.


1. Lack of Encouragement


Have you noticed how a baby looks at his mother for appreciation while doing each new thing? We typically encourage them when they say the first word or lay their first step.

But we often forget to encourage our children when they grow older. This shortage of encouragement can happen for many reasons. It could be because parents are too busy to realize how important the achievement in child’s life is.

Imagine a boy got the second prize in a running competition.  He is an average student, and he is getting a title for the first time. This award may not be a significant achievement for parents. Getting a good grade in the class may be far more important for parents. If nobody is at home to rejoice his achievement, he may not take part in sports events with the same enthusiasm. Kids grown up in an environment missing encouragement can lack self-confidence.


2. Constant Comparison


Everyone is uniquely talented. Sometimes parents fail to find the real talents of their kids. They keep unrealistic expectations from children. They tend to compare the children with others constantly.

Failing to meet parental and peer standards result in low self-confidence. Kids start to make similar unfavorable comparisons with themselves. They start to believe that they need to be like somebody else, to get the approval from parents.

You may like to read Why do you feel Not Enough and How to make you feel Good Enough?


3. Over Criticism


    Some parents and teachers use criticism to improve children and train them for the time to come. Even though this criticism is well-intended, this may lead to insecurity in them.

Kids may withdraw themselves from trying, due to fear of failure and criticism. They may lack exposure and feel isolated or left out later in their life. They usually become harsh self-critiques and fail to appreciate themselves.


4. Over Protection


Youngsters raised in an overprotective environment, tend to be too dependent on others. They believe that they are not capable of doing things independently. In the circumstances demanding free actions – decision-making, financial planning   – they may struggle and lack confidence.


5.  Abuse


Maturing in an abusive atmosphere disturbs the self-worthiness. Such a person may become submissive and fail to stand for himself. Being in an abusive relationship or going through any traumatic experiences also impacts self-respect.


6. Lack of Skills


Some people are anxious to do certain tasks, while they are super confident to do other tasks. Fear of public talking is such a common anxiety among people.  If children do not get the opportunity to develop these skills at a younger age, they may remain nervous about these tasks.


7. Poor Self-image


 A person having a poor self-image believes that he looks worse than he is. This lack of self-esteem could be because of incorrect perception developed from past ridiculing experiences.  Such a person believes that he possesses a certain defect on his looks, remains anxious about it and avoids social situations.


Self-confidence is a state of mind developed based on our society and the closest social environment. If you lack self-confidence, it is mainly because of the negative beliefs imposed on you. We can discuss further ways to boost confidence in the coming days.

Nisha is a Software professional and an NLP Practitioner who is passionate about personal development techniques.

41 thoughts on “Lack Self-confidence? Be Aware of these 7 Important Reasons

  1. Self-Confidence can be so hard to achieve and I’ve definitely struggled with some of the things you’ve mentioned. I’ve found that the more I do what makes me happy and challenge myself to try new things the more confident I get. Accomplishing a goal or overcoming a fear are what helps build my self-confidence.

  2. I stop having those excuses not to gain confidence (I was a wallflower during my HS years). I thought, if I keep my life as a wallflower, I will not move forward or achieve anything I want. So I push myself (thanks for constantly educating myself with books) and here I am, happy and confident.

  3. Self Confidence isn’t always easy to find in yourself, I know I’ve struggled with it for years , since I was in Primary school since being bullied so badly since childhood up to my Wedding day! This is a great post with some incredibly important points!

  4. I have really been lagging in the self confidence department lately as I struggle to find a full time job and a fulfilling relationship. These are all very valid points!

  5. I think I lack self confidence more sometimes then other times. It just depends on the situation.. I do agree though that it depends on your environment. Your current support system as well as how you were raised and still play a part In it.

  6. This wa interesting to read as I am publishing a post in the next hour about this exact same topic. I think parents need to try their best to instill confidence in their kids from a young age. I am working on mine everyday.

  7. When a parent started to compare their kids to other, then also starts the kids jealousy and losing motivation. Sometimes its the parents fault.

  8. You know when we moved to the country is this small town I lost a lot of my self confidence. We don’t live in a supportive community.

    You hit the nail on the head with this post.

    It clarifies a lot

  9. You described my childhood. I overcame a lot of self confident issues just by moving completely away from my family. I am striving to be the type of mother that supports self confidence in my little girls. Thanks for sharing this.

  10. Self-confidence is an essential part of humanity, to motivate yourself and believing in your ability no matter what happens around. Comparison does not help which most people don’t understand and Poor Self-image is a big curse too which needs to be wiped out to stand out on the crowd!

  11. I think for me when I was growing up, it was the lack of encouragement, over criticism and constant comparison that contributed to my low self-esteem. Family member were overly critical and never really encouraged me to do things. Let’s not mention my competitive attitude and I always found myself comparing my skillset to another person’s. Glad I was able to learn to love myself.

  12. What you tell your children is so important to their self confidence. Children should have that positive reinforcement in their early years to help them to develop into confident adults.

  13. This was a good list. I really liked that you added being overprotective. I think as parents it is hard to let go and let your children fail, but if they never really fail then they never really win, do they? It is a terrible thing to take away their sense of accomplishment because we never let them struggle. It is a hard balance because as a mom, I just want my kids to be happy and have an easy life.

  14. Nisha, fantastic post on what are reasons that some people lack self-confidence. I totally agree with your points, but I think you have to develop Self-confidence in yourself against all odds.

  15. Comparing is definitely one of the reasons why we end up losing our self-confidence. What people should do is that be positive and live life happily without worrying about anything and of anyone!

  16. This is a great article. I have written on quite a few points listed here as topics of their own and I can say your points are not far-fetched from mine. I really love this. Nice one.

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